Snaughty Mailbag #1

Today’s mail is brought to you in part by Spam!

Here at Snaughty Thoughts we get a lot of replies to blogs and questions that obviously dozens of people want to know the answer to. We also get a lot of feedback from people who are quite new to the English language, which is really encouraging. If people who can barely write English (or cannot at all) are reading this blog then obviously things are heading in the right direction and the world isn’t going to explode in a fiery ball of people who don’t know how to read English. We’re all doing our part here, obviously, but we’re going to take it a step further and reply to some of the awesome things that have been said to us. Askimet tries to block a lot of these messages for some reason I cannot fathom. How can it be spam when a person is saying they love the blog, right? Right.

Today’s first comment is from ZpLrGSTXSg7gBS, an old friend of mine. He(?) writes:
“687853 192679Magnificent beat ! I would like to apprentice whilst you amend your web site, how could i subscribe for a weblog website? The account helped me a appropriate deal. I had been just a little bit acquainted of this your broadcast provided brilliant transparent concept 718204”

Okay then. A lot of people would like to apprentice while I amend my web site. I have groupies outside my place in various stages of undress begging to be able to apprentice and tear my clothes off with their minds. Isn’t weblog another site? The best way to get an account there is to send me a bunch of money stuffed in a box, your account will be forthcoming shortly thereafter. You’re not the first person to tell me about my brilliant transparent concept. That phrase has come up with multiple girlfriends, though sometimes without the “brilliant” or “concept” parts. I don’t know what those random numbers are, but I greatly appreciate them! 449305!

The second comment to be addressed is from Emory Abruzzese, an avid reader and chair sniffer. Emory writes:
Hello Web Admin, I noticed that your On-Page SEO is is missing a few factors, for one you do not use all three H tags in your post, also I notice that you are not using bold or italics properly in your SEO optimization.

It’s very cute that you care more about my blog than myself or anyone who actually reads it, Emory, but don’t you think you should devote your life to solving a real world problem like Lenny Kravitz? I don’t mean solve one the way Lenny Kravitz would (he simply wouldn’t. He’d actually try to make it worse) I mean solve the problem of Lenny Kravitz. I didn’t know there was a law on how you’re supposed to use bold and italics. From now on I will only bold the word bold. I don’t like the term italics very much. I think it should be beautiful instead, so I could make all my words like the cast of The Bold And The Beautiful. Until the term is changed to what it rightfully should be I will be forced to share my thoughts without the benefit of you knowing what words I’m stressing. How do you like them apples, Emory?

The third bit of commentary to grace this page comes in from “ray ban uk”, if that’s his real name. Ray writes:
My brother recommended I might like this
blog. He used to be entirely right. This submit truly made my day.
You cann’t consider just how so much time I had spent for this information! Thanks!

So if I am to understand correctly, your brother used to be correct about every single thing he ever said in his entire life and then he told you you’d like my blog and it killed his streak? That’s fucking amazing. I’ve never been more proud to destroy anything in my life. That third line is the most correct statement sent in by any observer yet. I just.. you’re right, I cann’t wrap my head around it. Anytime, Ray, it’s what I’m here for, buddy. If my submits are making your day you should probably go out and make physical contact with a man or a woman (depending on your tastes) and see what a real made day feels like. Unless reading my blog makes you feel like we were touching each other. I guess in that scenario I completely understand. Your brother is an asshole, by the way. He’s never even read my blog.

Next up is a submission from my Klingon friend, kriwqzgia, who had the following to share: (I replaced any actual websites with [WEBSITE] to protect the innocent)
wvvxkjutt [WEBSITE] idzhievfg Louboutin France [WEBSITE] kvhpqdoxt
lxhsathlr [WEBSITE] okolyyjqk Louboutin [WEBSITE] azrvpcesz
bcqcjzpbf [WEBSITE] baxooudie louboutin france [WEBSITE] ubjrkpqmt
hhajvtrgt [WEBSITE] dvcsapjpa Christian Louboutin Pas Cher Soldes 2012 [WEBSITE] gggklqmce
yafvfywnh [WEBSITE] rpxloojam chaussure louboutin [WEBSITE] zhbhyqztj

Um.. is that a cheat code? Baxooudie sounds kind of hot, are you coming on to me? I should have paid more attention to French in school. It’s obviously worth more than impressing American girls online (but certainly not less than that, my friends) but sadly I was too busy paying attention to Lisa and Sandra, who were in my class and were an active example of why I never learned anything in high school. Also my French teacher had a weird fatty sack located on the bottom of her arms and when she’d point at people it would wobble and no one could pay attention to what she was saying. If you’re upset with me, kriwqzgia because of my failure to learn your mother tongue then please understand the circumstances. Lisa and Sandra made fun of the way I wrote my letter a too. Fuckin French class, I hated it.

The fourth entry is from the ever lovely Tawanna (Topenga’s sister, if you will), who informs me:
This is a comment to the webmaster. I discovered your “The Absoulute Greatest Places Around ” page via Google but it was hard to find as you were not on the first page of search results. I know you could have more traffic to your site.

Let me say right off the bat that it turns me on when you call me “Webmaster” as it makes me feel like the master of the internet. I know I’m not. The real master of the internet is Freddie Wong, but at least I get to pretend for a little while. The fact that you found the most obscure and pointless blog I’ve written to date (this one isn’t done yet, so it doesn’t count) on google at all is pretty fascinating to me. The fact that you were looking for something so pointless and weird shows more of a problem with your personality than with my blog. It’s time to talk therapy, Tawanna. Your problems all stem from wishing you had your sister’s name. Sweet, sweet Topenga.

The last comment today to get a response is from my best comment friend, Gas 4 Free Scam · PERSONAL CARE, who shares:
linkboxdisplay a:hover {text-decoration: underline;} function opensingledropdown() { document.getElementById(‘singletablelinks’).style.display = ”; document.getElementById(‘singlemouse’).style.display = ‘none’; } function closesingledropdown() { document.getElementById(‘singletablelinks’).style.display = ‘none’; document.getElementById(‘singlemouse’).style.display = ”; } How did TMCblog Test Motorcycle Fuel Consumption? [Video]NASA Demonstrates Manufacturing Methods for Hybrid Wing AircraftStar rating of cars“Two Maines”: Health Care, New Taxes and the Marginalization of Rural Maine7 Powerful Weight Loss Tips – Lose Weight Without Spending Any Money!PACS first customer of our latest WeldmakerTragic Mistakes #2: Toddlers in Tiaras

Dear Gas 4 Free Scam, when you put the word “Scam” in your name it makes it difficult for me to take you at your word. Please understand. I suppose scamming gas for free does count as “personal care”, but I don’t drive a car so your scam is of no use to me. Also, I didn’t know “two Maines” was a rating for cars. I think one Maine is enough. Who needs that much lobster and Steven King? I don’t see the connection between the marginalization of rural Maine and losing weight without spending any money, but then I’m obviously not as smart as you are. I’ve never come up with any gas for free scams. No wonder my parents are embarassed to talk about me at parties or at my bail hearings. Thank you for pointing out my inability.

That’s all for the mailbag this week, friends. Please feel free to share more broken English with me on my posts, as it’s far better than actually getting a comment that’s actually related to my post. When someone does that I actually have to make a serious reply, and that kills me a little bit inside each time. I’ll try to do a mailbag every two weeks, but only if I continue to get this quality of comment from random idiotbots. Angry Sim City 2000 guy, tell them how it is:

I am angry. Angry about cities!