Snaughty Mailbag #4

Because the mail never stops.

Because the mail never stops.

Hello again, people of Readerland. It’s good to see you again. It’s good to hear from you, as well, so I can better understand the type of people (read: bots) who take time out of their day to read my blog. I would like to point out with this blog that every response today is taken from my Welcome Page. I think it puts a special light on the meaning of the comments expressed. I either get comments such as these on my welcome page or, much to my delight, on my actual Snaughty Mailbag pages. I’ve noticed that there are no comments on the mailbags anymore, though, and that’s a hearty sign that it’s time to do another one. It pains me that so many comments now are just obscure code and links to shady websites, offering me little to respond to. Thankfully, today’s crew provided some of the more thought-provoking comments like the ones I am accustomed to and so we can all share in their glory. Without further adieu, let’s go to the mail!

My dear pal, Zoonalokpen, writes:

“He used cans, bottles, marbles, redwood,” Guevara said. “He drank a lot of beer, him and Mary, and he collected all the beer cans that he would drink. He stored them because he knew he was going to use them, but he didn’t know for what.”
“It is such a long, agonizing process,” Michelle said. “It’s six to eight weeks of poking and probing and blood work.”

This sounds like the fascinating start to a story about a hoarder and his hypochondriac girlfriend. I’m struggling that tiniest bit to see how this relates to my welcome page. The only thing I can come up with is that my words were so inspiring you had to start writing your personal opus on my comments section before the inspiration wore off. When you get Chapter 2 done please feel free to share it with the rest of Readerland. The preferred location for said piece would be on my welcome page.

But what of lopebrory? What’s he got to say? Why, the following:

Govan found a sponsorship partner Gucci. The Italian fashion house dressed many guests, including Evan Rachel Wood, who looked ravishing in a black and gold Art Deco style dress hot off the spring 2012 runway. Gelila Puck wore a gown she made with Baldessari, along with a festive purple wig.
That why this study is so suspect. It relies solely on afterthefact reporting by parents not observation of the children themselves by an objective observer, and certainly not by any objective test. Lots of parents already buy into the == Bad stereotype, and readily report that they seen it for themselves. Things to test include club soda, high fructose corn syrup versus sucroseonly sodas, phosphoric acid, caffeine, etc.

Again, I’m not exactly grasping what this has to do with my welcome page. I’ll let you in on a little hint: there is no reference, literal or metaphorical, to any study on that page. What does Govan finding a sponsorship with Gucci have to do with fructose corn syrup? This is either the deepest comment anyone’s ever made or it’s a pile of fanatical lunacy. I’m still on the fence. Let me know the results of the tests, though I will tell you, without testing, that I will never wear fructose corn syrup on my feet. I don’t care what they’re doing on the runways.

All of this crazy shit is making my brain weep. That’s when my brilliant colleague, Infeleare, saves the day by chipping in the following:

Alas, since our fellow owners are unlikely to cede the entire first round to us, we will simply have to work smarter to assemble the most dominant team in our league. Our challenge, therefore, is to secure the best value in each round, methodically building a roster that will soar from Week 1, withstand an injury to one or two key players and peak during the fantasy playoffs.
During the pregame show on 98.5 The Sports Hub, Kraft said Gronkowski initiated the conversation with owner Robert Kraft, but they weren concerned about the photo.

Thank you for finally making a comment that actually pertains to my welcome page. I’m uncertain which team we’re talking about, or what fantasy playoffs we’re talking about or even what picture we happen to be talking about, but aren’t we all a little pleased with the fact that, while this comment has nothing to do with anything I’ve ever talked about, it still actually makes a little bit of sense? With an over-active imagination such as my own you can bet your ass I’m going to be the number one contender in any kind of fantasy league. I’m the guy who thinks responding to spam comments made by bots is entertaining. You can’t live a bigger fantasy than that. The fantasy cup is mine! So are all of the fantasy proceeds, respect and admiration. I’m the greatest!

You have to wonder what this guy’s parents were thinking when they named him. “Mass Effect 3 Key Generator” shared:

Hey There. I discovered your weblog using msn. That is a really smartly written article.
I’ll be sure to bookmark it and return to learn extra of your helpful information.
Thank you for the post. I’ll definitely comeback.

Thank you. It’s mostly just me saying some things I like and then sharing some quotes. I can see that it would take multiple visits to really let the meaning of all the deep things I said sink in. When I wrote the about page, the one thought that was constantly on my mind was, “How can I supply the most extra of my helpful information to people who want to creep me on MSN?” I felt myself a failure, prior to reading your comment, Mass Effect 3 Key Generator. You have given my life and the life of my blog purpose again. You’re a swell dude. The difference between “come back” and “comeback” is one you might be curious to look into, unless you felt that my welcome page was a personal attack on you that you have to retort.

You guys think you’re cool because people or bots comment on your blog? Apps comment on my shit. Why, just today I got a comment from whatsapp, the popular communication app for your smartphone but not for any of your other smart objects, as they don’t have phone numbers and are obviously serfs. The comment reads as follows:

Excellent post. I was checking continuously this weblog and I’m impressed!
Extremely useful information particularly the last part 🙂 I maintain such information much.
I used to be seeking this certain information for a very lengthy time.

Thank you and best of luck.

Thank you for sharing your feelings, whatsapp. It means a great deal to me that you’ve been seeking the about information of my blog since before it was even written. Some people might question the honesty of your statement, but then they get to the part where you maintain such information much and suddenly they feel like gigantic idiots. I’m glad you’ve stopped seeking this information and have since moved on to data-mining people’s personal information and excluding people who don’t have phone numbers. I do appreciate the wishes of luck. As anyone who reads these knows, I’m obviously going to need it.

Advertisements
This entry was posted in Snaughty Mailbag and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s