Disgrace-Face #1: Crack Smokin’ Rob Ford

Rob's been eating dog food to conserve taxpayer money

What are you doing with all that chocolate on your face?!

Toronto doesn’t shy away from voting for the worst mayors in the history of all of Canada. It just wouldn’t be interesting if the right person were to be elected. They’d probably fix the city a little bit (like all big cities, Toronto will never be completely fixed) and not draw attention from the rest of the world for their A-class stupidity because they likely wouldn’t have an A-class stupidity. Mel Lastman, on a trip to Kenya for a play on an olypic bid commented, “What the hell do I want to go to a place like Mombasa?… I’m sort of scared about going out there, but the wife is really nervous. I just see myself in a pot of boiling water with all these natives dancing around me.” This didn’t paint Toronto, a very diverse and mostly accepting community, in a very nice light. He also had the army come in and shovel the streets of Toronto during a bad snowstorm, and though this brought ridicule from people outside the city, I would defent the decision as it was an irregular amount of snow and emergency vehicles were having great difficulty getting around the city. He also called Toronto’s homeless “a menace”, which I think is unfair generalizing. Sounds like a jackass, doesn’t he? Let me put it all in perspective for you.

Toronto’s current mayor, Rob Ford, has been caught smoking crack from a pipe. Suddenly Mayor Mel doesn’t look so bad, does he? Sure, he was an idiot, but he wasn’t a crack smoker. Crack. Not pot or mushrooms or even heroin but actual crack. Granted, there is only a video that has been viewed by reporters not only from Toronto but also from New York. The owner of the phone the video is recorded on wants a hundred thousand dollars cash in exchange for the video, and I wouldn’t be surprised if the money is raised and the video comes out. Ford never wanted a driver after being elected and a lot of people thought that was because he didn’t want to waste the city’s money, but it’s now looking much more likely he didn’t want anyone to know where he was going or what sort of people he was smoking crack with. Since the allegations have come forward Ford has had nothing to say and has been cancelling his appointments with the media. His usually mouthy brother, Doug, has had surprisingly little to say also, which seems very unlike him when it comes to less harmless allegations that have been made in the past. Of course, the mayor can’t come out and deny he smokes crack if the video were to be purchased, especially if the price eventually drops. Of course, it would be simplicity itself to get a drug test done at a reputable institution to prove he’s not partaking in crack.

Ford So this is the picture of Ford with reputed crack dealers (he’s been photographed in that sweater elsewhere and it looked nothing alike other than the sweater, ruling out the likelyhood of photoshopping) given to reporters who were also shown the movie. The gentleman on the left was gunned down several months ago. In the video Ford supposedly calls Justin Trudeau a “faggot” and the kids on his (Ford’s) football team, “just fucking minorities”. His lawyer has claimed that it’s impossible to tell what’s being smoked in the pipe (the crack pipe, that is. You don’t know what he’s smoking in the crack pipe) seemingly admitting that the video is real but that you shouldn’t draw conclusions about what he was enjoying. It could have been meth for all we know. This is why I have little doubt about the authenticity of the tape. These do not sound like the actions of a man who has never smoked crack in his life. They sound exactly like the actions of a man who saw the camera that was filming him and knows his goose is likely cooked. Hey, at least he wasn’t sharing a needle, right?

Crack smoking isn’t the only thing that makes Rob Ford the king of terribad mayors, though. During discussion for an AIDS prevention program Ford explained, “If you are not doing needles and you are not gay, you wouldn’t get AIDS probably. That’s the bottom line…. How are women getting it? Maybe they are sleeping with bisexual men.” His wife claimed he assaulted her and threatened to kill her in March 2008 but the charges were later dropped. He was arrested in Florida for driving under the influence. He was probably drunk but possibly high on crack when he was ejected from a leafs hockey game, then lied about being at the game, then admitted that he was at the game but was probably too high on crack to remember it. He groped and propositioned Sarah Thomson, one of the people who ran against him in the election for mayor. This is just the tip of the iceberg, my friends. If you’d like to see more of the terrible things Rob Ford has done then please click right Here and feast your eyes. None of them really compare to smoking crack, though.

Well, I suppose one thing comes close. There was the following incident in which Ford claims to be assaulted with a camera by a man with his back to a wall and the camera held in a stationary position snug to the wall. It’s akin to telling people you were beat up by a tree or a brick wall. Was he on crack at the time? Sadly, we may never know.

Rob Ford has yet to step down, as I suppose he believes no one will raise the money to purchase the video. I have to think the price is not so lofty that no one will invest, though, especially as this story seems to be sweeping Canada as well as drawing attention from the rest of the world (if you want to put your city on the map, friends, be sure to elect a crackhead). Mel Lastman is dancing the nights away, fondly remembered as No Longer Toronto’s Stupidest Mayor. He’s getting bumper stickers made as we speak. David Miller is no longer ashamed to show his face in the streets. How long until the colossal jackass resigns? I’m going to say that he fights it to the bitter end. He’s not going to go down without a fight. When he loses maybe his brother, Doug, who supposedly does most of the work that does get done at city hall in his brother’s stead, will run for mayor. If I know my city, he’ll win by a landslide. If there’s one thing we love it’s someone who can make us all look like jackasses on the global scale.

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3 Responses to Disgrace-Face #1: Crack Smokin’ Rob Ford

  1. alexfelipe says:

    I was thinking of how Rob Ford reminds me of Zizek’s take on the ‘clownish’ authoritarian future of politics… so I put this together…

    … and a commenter on the vid helps with point of the video by writing: “mayor should be judged on his great work, fiscally responsible, excellent monetary policies, saves tax payers money he is the absolute best mayor toronto has ever had…”

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