Why?! #7: Justin Bieber (Anne Frank Memorial)

What Anne Frank wanted most was to go to a Justin Bieber concert,

What Anne Frank wanted most was to go to a Justin Bieber concert,

When you’re Justin Bieber (Tuesdays between noon and nine) and you’re not in the public eye for ten seconds you start to get worried that maybe you’re not as hot as you repeatedly tell yourself you are. The only way to soothe the pain is to do something that will attract attention back to you in a positive way. Something like paying a visit to the Anne Frank memorial. That sounds noble and caring, the media eats that shit up. Maybe you’re not going to attract enough attention by doing something decent, though. It’s time for Plan B.

Plan B consists of writing in the guest book about what an inspiration Anne Frank is and continuing on to say “Hopefully she would have been a belieber”, which is actually a Canadian term for a person with a lobotomy. I can’t imagine what’s going through a person’s mind when they think to use the Anne Frank memorial as a publicity stunt, but that’s just the start. Hopefully Anne Frank would have been a fan of Justin Bieber? It begs the question, “To What End, Justin?” Hopefully, while her life was unimaginably difficult, she was able to enjoy some of the finer things life had to offer. Hopefully she now resides in a place which has never heard of Justin Bieber and never will. A place where people are purged of the evil memory upon entering. Hopefully Bieber himself will give Vanilla Ice his keen style back and find a style of his own.

I was a big fan of Saved By The Bell too!

I was a big fan of Saved By The Bell too!

I’ve read some interesting points from both sides of the battlefield on this one. There are, of course, the people who will jump on any opportunity to jump on the Biebs, and you just can’t take them seriously. Being angry at people for being more popular than you is likely one of the leading reasons you’re having problems with popularity. What of the others, though? Some claim that being thrust into the public eye at fourteen and likely paying someone to do your highschool for you is not conducive to being knowledgable about world history. The idea is that he shouldn’t be held completely accountable for being a moron because he was visiting a memorial for someone he knew nothing about and trying to turn it into another story about himself is somewhat silly, though. I actually grew up not far from Bieber’s hometown. I endured the same education system he did up until he struck fame. I knew who Anne Frank was when I was ten years old, and even at ten I knew that if I were to visit her memorial I would be nothing but respectful. I don’t think being popular is a valid excuse for being an asshole. Was he an asshole, though? Was he really there to pay his respects and I and others like me are making too big a deal out of this? It’s really hard to say.

Why are there never famous Canadians I can be proud of?

Why are there never famous Canadians I can be proud of?

Before departing, Sir Bieberbrox walked around and “struck poses”. I say it that way because I don’t have the capacity to describe his actions better than that. You can see the picture though, I hope, and try to formulate a better explanation. “Anne Frank was such an ispiration, I’m Rad!” “Actually being here in person makes me fully understand the gravity of how good I look right now. Which fingers should I not extend on each hand? Why do I have to make the hard calls?” “Why did they take Saved By The Bell off the air? My haircut’s going to bring it right back.” I feel bad for Justin, as he’s been obviously squeezed for as much money as possible and I’m not imaginative enough to see this ending well for him. Maybe the nail polish line will keep him making money long after he gets older and starts to open for Hansen. They’re still around. You just don’t know it because your cousins aren’t irrationaly huge fans. You should be thankful.

Why can’t the Beliebriated one do something awesome to put himself dead center in the media’s attention again? Something like robbing a bank or offending Howard Stern or, dare we all hope, learning how to read. The New Kids On The Block were apparently at a shopping mall near my place a few days ago. I can remember when they were what the Biebs is now. I wonder if I’ll be going to any shopping malls in the coming years and seeing Justin do his thing to try to keep his bizarre fame alive. I’m certainly close enough to his hometown for it, and who but his hometown will want him at all when his fame fizzles away? I understand that I am a part of the system he wishes to use by writing this story and passing word of his name along. I can at least sleep well at night knowing I was just up front and honest about it. Sometimes to defeat an evil you have to write about it, even though writing about it shares, for generations afterwards, the nightmares inherant to that evil. Hopefully in the next life Anne Frank gets to kick the Biebs directly in the testicles. Whenever she pleases.

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