Set My Heart Aflutter #1: Thigh-highs/Stockings

256 million shades of sexy.

256 million shades of sexy.

Do you know what’s more appealing, heart-stopping, beautiful and sexy than thigh-highs? Nothing. Nothing on Earth. Nothing outside of Earth. Nothing you can even imagine, really. I suppose I’m speaking out of bias here but I don’t really care. Anything I feel this passionately about cannot be anything but fact. The right pair of stockings will really set a great outfit right over the top. Hell, good thigh-highs will even make a terrible outfit look good in a lot of cases. The dress code around me is strictly set to thigh-highs and as long as you’re wearing them you don’t have to be wearing anything else. They really are an outfit all on their own. Have I mentioned I love them? I do. Men have nothing they can wear with such power. I’m mildly jealous. I’d let a girl in the right pair stab me slowly to death, and I’d love it. As long as I didn’t bleed on them, that wouldn’t be cool. I’d have a serious problem with that.

I can't thank her enough for that pose.

I can’t thank her enough for that pose.

In these terrible times of many women wanting to cover up their bodies with some kind of fashion travesty like pants we have to strain to catch a glimpse of true artistic beauty. The day women decided pants were acceptable we all lost. I understand that pants might be easier and less annoying on you, ladies, I really do, but I hope you understand that pants look like garbage on you. You’re selling yourself short dressing like a man. Our fashion options are complete shit. It’s an insult to your gorgeous legs to do that. What’s wrong with you? Not all the time, fine, I get that, but for the people who never do I would suggest a serious life-overhaul. Your legs will thank you and so will I. So will anyone with eyeballs.

Purple sheer, I love you

Purple sheer, I love you

While I was looking for pictures to put in this blog I saw a site where someone called thigh-highs the crown jewels of the sock world. Whoever said that is my hero and I hope they have the most wonderful day today. I cannot agree more. I love socks, don’t get me wrong. A good pair of socks will also make an outfit just like a good pair of thigh-highs will, just generally not as well. I will contend there are some amazingly hot socks that have cast spells on me in the past. Socks that left me standing naked in the street with an imitation sword, a pirate hat and no idea how I got there. Those are some powerful socks indeed. The most amazing part is that you can mix and match them and make a great scene even better. The possibilities are near endless. The proverbial sky is the proverbial limit. Most of the proverbs were about thigh-highs, fun fact!

The greatest seam in existence

The greatest seam in existence

If you want to see me and many other men with stellar tastes melt into something that hardly resembles a human being anymore then your best bet is to show a tiny bit of back seam. Back seam works in wondrous ways the mind cannot even begin to comprehend. I can’t do any kind of explanation justice, but don’t hold that against my English teachers. Language doesn’t have the words for something so enticing. Little bows and similar things at the top are also the cat’s pajamas, let’s be honest. I’m pretty sure typing this out has given me a nosebleed. I don’t care, it was worth it. The next time someone tells you there’s no god point out to them that there are thigh-highs and then tell thme to look you straight in the face and say that someone like that could just.. happen randomly. That it’s not irrefutable evidence that a higher being is out there and making the world a wonderful place for everyone wise enough to pay attention. If they can do it then I’m sorry to tell you that person is a fool.

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