Allow me to be perfectly clear from the start: I’m not being sarcastic at all here. Manti Te’o is a hell of a guy and he’s been through a whole shitstorm over the course of the past year. He plays football for Notre Dame (though he is Mormon rather than Christian) and recently he’s been getting a hard time from people in the media about what a horrible liar he apparently is. You see, he lied about giving a bunch of people a terrible disease and also lied about not being responsible for the great depression. He lied about how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie-pop. He further lied about his feelings for the hit television show: Sailormoon. I’m full of shit on this, of course. Manti didn’t lie about anything like that. He actually “lied” about having a girlfriend who was sick. What the hell gives people the right to be so upset about him lying about a matter in his personal life? Oh yeah, stupidity.
Sadly for Manti, my explanation on why online relationships are a tragic mistake came in much too late to be of use to him (he loves my blog, though! Big time regular) and he got involved with someone online who.. get ready for it.. Lied to him about who they were. Then they lied about being in a car accident and dying of lukemia (you have to love how people are pissed at Manti in all of this) I’m assuming so they could get out of feeling like a complete douchebag. When you care about someone you met online you really want to trust them, because when you can’t see a person on a daily basis, or at all, you have to be able to trust them or you’re never going to be able to concentrate on anything else. This leads to people having too much faith in the person they’re with online, which leads to telling people things they told you and trusting that you’re telling the truth. When you’re in love with someone like that and you think they’re dying you’re obviously going to be a little upset.
Let me take you a step further. Trust me, I’ve been there. When a person is lying to you online, say, telling you that they’re going to come meet you really soon but then keeps putting you off it can really throw you in the hurt cabinet. When people start teasing you about having an online partner they always ask the same fucking question: “Have you met them yet?” This is, of course, a good question, but it’s not the one you want to be hearing. Having your online love’s promise that you’ll be meeting next Tuesday makes it a lot easier to tell your friends that either you’ve already met or will be meeting very soon. I’m pretty sure this is the road that Manti went down, and I don’t blame him a bit. I’ve been down it myself. In fact, the shit they pulled on him was really nothing compared to some of the things that were actioned upon me. Guys do stupid things when they’re in love, is this news to people?
Enter the media. People want to know what the hell’s wrong with Manti. What’s his problem, lying to everyone like that. Nevermind that his grandma just died and he thought he had a real girlfriend but it was just a fake. Why the fuck didn’t he consider the media’s feelings in all of this? What an asshole. I’m sure all of the people who knitted him sweaters and bought him new cars and felated him are really upset, only I’m pretty sure nobody did anything at all for him except be happy that he helped win a football game. I see this poor kid on television in tears because they’re making it out like he lit the pope on fire. Leave him alone! If he lied about taking steroids then I understand people being upset. He lied about having a girlfriend mostly because he was lied to about it. People suspect he may have known but continued to keep up the illusion for some reason. Gee, I wonder why, idiots. Maybe it’s because he knew everyone was going to jump down his throat over something that wasn’t really any of their god damned business in the first place. Maybe he didn’t want to call up a press conference to tell the world that he got duped by some asshole online, go figure.
After finding out his grandmother died and after going through all of the horrible things an online relationship can do to you, Manti Te’o went out and kicked the crap out of a game of football and managed twelve tackles. Do you know how hard it is to do that when your life hasn’t been taking the scenic route through the crapper? He’s a football player and he plays football well. He’s got a lot to learn about women, especially those online, but don’t we all? It’s a sad state of affairs when people’s lives are so terrible they have to go after someone who’s basically still just a kid to feel better about themselves. Do you remember all the brilliant things you did when you were twenty-one or did your brain block them out to prevent you from dying of embarassment? I can remember some of mine, and if I had to go on television and explain myself I would have been a lot less composed than Manti was. That’s why he gets the nod.