People We Look Up To #2: Bob Couch

If you’ve never seen the above video then it is strangely possible that you don’t know Bob Couch, and that’s a flaw with the universe that I’m here to correct. Hell, even if you don’t read anything beyond this and really just watch the video (it’s way easier than reading, right?) you already know more than you used to. You know that Bob Couch had some problems in his life but figured out that if he got really ripped his boss and wife would stop bothering him out of intimidation. I think it worked out for him, too. Attracting members of the opposite sex is just gravy. Even if you’re married like Bob was. It’s just attention, folks, and sometimes you just look so good you can’t help it. What you do with that attention is your business. Don’t blame me for working out and having too much wild sex. Whatever you do, don’t blame Bob. I know I can’t.

   “Well I’m working real hard, I’m just a middle class man; workin’ for a man that I can’t stand” may be some of the best lyrics I’ve ever read. I’m sure if this song were to come out today it would be more colourful about his feelings about his boss. I don’t think that this added colour would improve the song, though. There’s so much expressed by that simple statement. You know Bob wants to strangle his boss and possibly weld his eyes shut. He doesn’t have to say it. That’s what your brain automatically assumes when it hears, “Working for a man that I can’t stand”. You’ll have to note that if you’ve never worked for a wo/man you can’t stand the lyrics probably don’t do as much for you. Guess what, Bob didn’t write the song for people like you. He wrote it for people like me. I have a hard time remembering people I worked for who I could stand, even when I only had to see them a few minutes a day.

   Some people I know who have seen this video say it makes Bob look as though he doesn’t give a whit about his family or his career. They obviously didn’t listen to the part about how his outlook on life is shiny and new. They missed the part where he’s escorting his family into their vehicle (and he gets the door for her too, you’ll note. A true gentleman is Bob Couch). The video clearly explains how you can take the energy you want to invest in beating up your boss and yelling at your spouse and turn it into good energy and muscles.

   The thing that has me worried, though, is there are reports that Bob Couch has passed away. I cannot find a solid piece of evidence to fully support either side and so I cannot tell you if the reports of his dead last July were a hoax or if they were legit. And I’m worried. I don’t want to live in a world without Bob Couch, but if I have to I want to at least make sure people know who he was/is and why he’s great. I guess you already know how great he is, though, if you’ve seen the video.

   If you know Bob Couch, if you are Bob Couch, or if you have seen Bob Couch at the 7-11 recently I would greatly appreciate hearing that he’s doing okay.  I’m a pretty lanky dude, in all honesty, and when I walk down the street or through the grocery store and sing this song it amuses people greatly. Also, I want to draw attention from the opposite sex one day. I’m fairly certain I know what he means. Spread the word about Bob Couch and get the song around. Why don’t they make music videos like that today? The answer is simple: After Bob Couch made this one he broke the mould so no video could ever again approach its greatness. I can’t blame him a bit.

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