Do you know what the Harlem Shake is? If you do then you’re part of the problem and maybe you need to think a little bit about what you’re doing with yourself and your time when you’re online. You see, I know of the Harlem Shake because I like to connect with my friends on facebook sometimes and you’re not alive on facebook unless you’re sharing the latest meme and every variation of it ad nauseum. Sharing a meme is the exact same as typing “I don’t have anything to say so look at something that everyone’s talking about and try to think about me a little bit when you do it”. Sometimes it’s better to just read other people’s things and be content with that. Oh look, other people have interesting things happening in their lives. Maybe I could share some too if I wasn’t too busy sharing the Alf version of the Harlem Shake.
I don’t know what the Harlem Shake is. I know I’ve seen more than twenty links to different variations of it, so it cannot be something of any use. When, say, one or two of my friends tell me about something in person I take the time to look into it, as it’s obviously worth looking at. When twenty of my friends do it it’s obvious that I have little to no need to investigate. I don’t want to know what it is. I will go out of my way to never learn. I’m part of the solution. It feels way better to be me than it does you, unless you’re also blissfully unaware, and then it just feels pretty much the same to be me, but probably with more socks. I have lots of socks. Wanna fight about it?
What’s to come after the Harlem Shake? Who knows. It could involve someone talking and walking into something. It could involve someone falling down or being sick on another person. That’s the beauty of memes. Art imitates life and life imitates memes. Next time you see something that’s obviously going around you should do yourself a favour and not check it out. You’ll be amazed how good it feels to explain to someone that you have no idea what they’re talking about and, in fact, don’t want to know. Challenge them to titillate you with something that hasn’t been smeared all over a social network and watch them squirm. “Do you know the Harlem Shake?” “No, I don’t, and you should be ashamed of yourself.” That’s how it goes with my friends.
With all this Harlem Shaking it’s easy to forget about Kids Called Him Pork Chop, But He’s Drinking Milk, or whatever that one is. Pork Chop? Is that really the worst they had? Kids at my school were much more creative and heartless than that. A friend of mine, upon my commenting on it, mentioned that there was a bully at his school named Pork Chop. Maybe it was the same kid. Maybe he bullied everyone because they called him Pork Chop. Maybe they called him Pork Chop because he reputedly ate pork chops for lunch literally every single day. I say maybe because I will never know. I’m not part of the problem.